Top Ten Least Popular Cans of Soup
10. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
9. Cream of macaroni and cheese
8. Old Roy
7. Raviolo
6. Extra Long Cheese Coney and Tots
5. Chicken Broth and Random floating dog hair
4. Heineken and Chives
3. Crab Chowder
2. Granola
1. Kobe Chunks and Noodles
Pic O' the Day
Omaha-March-Spring Break-Zoo-Snowstorm-Iowa State Wrestlers kept us up all night...
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Signs my kids might be in a secret society
10. Halloween costumes and costume accessories this year – cloaks, squares, and compasses
9. Wanted to name the fish Opus Dei
8. Keep referring to parade Shriners as “the necessary distraction.”
7. Sold all of their stocks on September 5th with an order to repurchase on November 3rd…Odd.
6. Get incredibly mad at me when I call the movie National Treasure a comedy.
5. During our drive to preschool scrolling through the menu of available songs on the radio my daughter yells NO, NO, NO, ROCK AND ROLL, NO MORE TALKING RADIO. Sorry that’s a sign she will grow up to be a radio program director.
4. Slipped up and called President Bush, President Cheney.
3. Read the classified ads in my wife’s cosmo magazine then make a hushed comment to the dog.
2. Like to watch Dora the Explorer muted.
1. Blank for fear of retribution
10. Halloween costumes and costume accessories this year – cloaks, squares, and compasses
9. Wanted to name the fish Opus Dei
8. Keep referring to parade Shriners as “the necessary distraction.”
7. Sold all of their stocks on September 5th with an order to repurchase on November 3rd…Odd.
6. Get incredibly mad at me when I call the movie National Treasure a comedy.
5. During our drive to preschool scrolling through the menu of available songs on the radio my daughter yells NO, NO, NO, ROCK AND ROLL, NO MORE TALKING RADIO. Sorry that’s a sign she will grow up to be a radio program director.
4. Slipped up and called President Bush, President Cheney.
3. Read the classified ads in my wife’s cosmo magazine then make a hushed comment to the dog.
2. Like to watch Dora the Explorer muted.
1. Blank for fear of retribution
Monday, September 22, 2008
Names of the New 5th Floor Multipurpose Room
The BAR (Big Ass Room)
Mark’s Madness
The Stereo Room (2 of eveything)
Mother of all Ice Machines Room
The Charlie Wear Memorial Conference Room
The holographic deck
The PIP room
The Kevin Volker Editing Room (Shades Drawn)
Kobayashi Maru
Mark’s Madness
The Stereo Room (2 of eveything)
Mother of all Ice Machines Room
The Charlie Wear Memorial Conference Room
The holographic deck
The PIP room
The Kevin Volker Editing Room (Shades Drawn)
Kobayashi Maru
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Restaurants that are Destined to Fail, Based on Their Name
Buffalo Stink Fingers
Hedgeapplebees
Soupies
Canadian House of Pancakes
Peckers
TGI October’s
Turkey Burger King
Dave and Martha’s
Ruddfuckers
Huggies
Hedgeapplebees
Soupies
Canadian House of Pancakes
Peckers
TGI October’s
Turkey Burger King
Dave and Martha’s
Ruddfuckers
Huggies
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Doctor List
Okay so this is kind of an odd list, but with the latest visits to another physical therapist and for the sake of my sanity, here is a list of doctors and medical specialists my kids have seen more than once.
- Pediatrician
- Neonatologist
- Pediatric Dermatologist
- Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon
- Pediatric Cardiologist
- Pediatric Ear Nose and Throat Surgeon
- Pediatric Ophthalmology Surgeon
- Pediatric Plastic Surgeon
- Physical Therapist
- Occupational Therapist
- Pediatric Allergist
Friday, August 22, 2008
A New Set of Lists
Indications the Tech Support Center You Called May Not Be Up To Par
First step in the troubleshooting process…Press the turbo button.
When they made a change to your account it was followed by a ZOIKES.
Normal disclaimer phrase that the call may be monitored or recorded replaced with adverstisement for Gold Bond medicated powder.
During the uncomfortable period while waiting for install process to finish, instead of the how’s the weather question, you get poem.
Wants to know if your file is digitally or analogally signed.
Support person keeps referring to your Crisco Switches.
On hold music is the theme to Hogan’s Heroes.
In reading back the process step s the tech decodes acronyms with whatever words they think fit…think MFP
In the background you hear PBR me ASAP
Phrases My Wife Said I Am No Longer Allowed To Say
Then there was this one time…at band camp
That’s Nuckin Futs
Taco Flavored Kisses
Salma Hayek
I’m here to say Hi to some guy named Gene.
First step in the troubleshooting process…Press the turbo button.
When they made a change to your account it was followed by a ZOIKES.
Normal disclaimer phrase that the call may be monitored or recorded replaced with adverstisement for Gold Bond medicated powder.
During the uncomfortable period while waiting for install process to finish, instead of the how’s the weather question, you get poem.
Wants to know if your file is digitally or analogally signed.
Support person keeps referring to your Crisco Switches.
On hold music is the theme to Hogan’s Heroes.
In reading back the process step s the tech decodes acronyms with whatever words they think fit…think MFP
In the background you hear PBR me ASAP
Phrases My Wife Said I Am No Longer Allowed To Say
Then there was this one time…at band camp
That’s Nuckin Futs
Taco Flavored Kisses
Salma Hayek
I’m here to say Hi to some guy named Gene.
Friday, August 8, 2008
I really, really, really want to ride that ride
Olivia wanted to ride the kiddie roller coaster. Here's a picture - below is the movie. Check out the dirty look she shoots me the on the third pass she makes.
Top Ten Good Things about Being in IT
Ok, so it's not ten...yet, but here it is so far.
10. The ability to work the word virtual into any conversation
9. Cat 6 print camo renders us virtually invisible
8. Blank stare you get from your kids when you inform them of the weekend infrastructure changes to their rooms
7. Right before the start of street fight, remind your opponent that it’s no coincidence Mr. T’s initials on the A Team were B.A.
6. Canadian donut Friday’s
5. Inside giggle we get when spellcheck suggests PMS for CMS.
4.
3.
2.
1.
10. The ability to work the word virtual into any conversation
9. Cat 6 print camo renders us virtually invisible
8. Blank stare you get from your kids when you inform them of the weekend infrastructure changes to their rooms
7. Right before the start of street fight, remind your opponent that it’s no coincidence Mr. T’s initials on the A Team were B.A.
6. Canadian donut Friday’s
5. Inside giggle we get when spellcheck suggests PMS for CMS.
4.
3.
2.
1.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Top Ten Out-of-The Blue Things My Kids Have Said While Riding in the Car
These are a random list of things my kids have blurted out or said for no apparent reason while riding in the car. Here they are:
10. Can I have a piece of cheese?
9. I wish I had a dinosaur.
8. What’s 19 plus 42? (a question from the 4 year old)
7. Great, now it’s going to smell like old people.
6. I’m not going to get married, I’m just going to live with my cats
5. I am telling the people next to us to slow down (middle finger displayed to all of the cars next to us)
4. Thomas’ feet smell like corn chips
3. This is definitely not the way to Chuck E Cheese.
2. Shit Fire
1. I forgot to put on underpants
10. Can I have a piece of cheese?
9. I wish I had a dinosaur.
8. What’s 19 plus 42? (a question from the 4 year old)
7. Great, now it’s going to smell like old people.
6. I’m not going to get married, I’m just going to live with my cats
5. I am telling the people next to us to slow down (middle finger displayed to all of the cars next to us)
4. Thomas’ feet smell like corn chips
3. This is definitely not the way to Chuck E Cheese.
2. Shit Fire
1. I forgot to put on underpants
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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